@weinerdog4life: When I turn on the lights all of the dads scatter off of my deck, the fat dads can't get over the fence
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@jazmasta: Nature fact: The female cat gives birth to the body and head of her kittens separately and has to screw the head in like a lightbulb.
@knot_eye: Her: I bet you forgot it. Him: I have a photographic memory. [shakes violently] Her: ? Him: Sorry, it's a Polaroid. Is it Becky? Her: NO
@lifecoachfit: It takes a village to raise a child so I dropped the kids off at my neighbors house with a note: "your turn"
@Shock_Monster: Sure, Canada, feel safe now while US is just after oil. Wait 'til we run low on beer, ice, hockey players & f'd up ways to pronounce words.