@dreamsinchocola: When I undress there is a radiant shower that falls. Not of money or glitter, but of dog hair.
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@GrantTanaka: Wife: oh honey, I didn't marry for money, the guy I fell in love with had an easy smile, a sparkling laugh & big dreams. then I met you.
@MamanyaDana: That awkward moment when I give a guy a fake phone number and he tries to call it in front of me.. #OhShiiiit
@One2thTEXAN: *walks up to cute teller at bank* Me: you wanna grab lunch some time? T: sir, I've seen your balance. M: yea, I was hoping you'd buy.
@kibblesmith: Amazon is a $250 billion dollar company that reacts to you buying a vacuum by going THIS GUY LOVES BUYING VACUUMS HERE ARE SOME MORE VACUUMS