@dreamsinchocola: When I undress there is a radiant shower that falls. Not of money or glitter, but of dog hair.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jazmasta: *strums ukulele* This one goes out to my ex wife, Lucy. It's called "I know how much you hate ukuleles so I wrote a 9 minute ukulele song"
@donni: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Do you know why I stopped? *silence* *a saxophone wails in the distance*
@therealeatwood: ADMIRAL: We must surround and board the enemy’s ship CHIEF PETTY OFFICER: And then we can walk right past them like they’re not even there
@timdonakowski: Okay, wait a second. I pee, I do my belt, THEN I wash my hands. I don't know about you but I've never, ever washed my belt.