@MavenofHonor: When I use my grandmother's cast iron skillet I feel close to her. Even though she's way, way up there repairing the space station
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@TheHyyyype: [first date] HER: I'm really into guys with ambitions ME: *trying to impress her* that's perfect, I have two frogs
@Rich_McCarthy: Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
@Sarcasticsapien: On Halloween I'm going to let kids decide between raisins and a toothbrush so they know what we're going through with this election.
@ShaneKnowsStuff: The girls I meet in bars have the worst pickup lines. They're like, "Hey, what's your friend's name?" Never works on me ladies.