@MavenofHonor: When I use my grandmother's cast iron skillet I feel close to her. Even though she's way, way up there repairing the space station
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@sween: I can't imagine how stressed Americans are feeling right now. I'm Canadian and I'm chugging maple syrup and just punched a moose.
@SammySkinns: Recent studies show that eating bacon or other red meats increases your chances of dying by 20% So apparently I have a 120% chance of dying
@ilovepie84: Lassie once told me a boy fell down a well, but since no one else can speak dog I ignored it because I was building a furniture fort.
@WarrenHolstein: Don't cut yourselves 'cause Justin smokes pot, Beliebers. Cut yourselves 'cause you listen to Justin Bieber. (And aim for a major artery.)