@jake_lach: When I was 12 I ate a bee to impress a girl, and she just sent me a friend request on Facebook. So, mission accomplished.
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@Proxic0n: COPS: We know you killed him ME: I didn't do it! COPS: really? *starts playing Shakira* ME: wait no MY HIPS: HE'S UNDER THE FLOOR BOARDS
@senderblock23: No, I said I wanted to BING you on my kitchen counter. You know, the popular search engine?
@GrowlyGrego: Is there a Twitter acronym for "Ur screenshot tweet is really funny, but my anxiety about ur phone battery % prevents me from enjoying it"?