@LoveNLunchmeat: When I was 8 yrs old, I walked to school by myself; now you have to hold your kid's hand right up to their first drug deal.
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@jbillinson: "Yes Mr. Trump, I took Joe's pocket knife away and we'll get you some new tires for that limo right away, but I can't make him say sorry"
@erikbransteen: Melania Trump doesn’t want to live in the same place as her husband. More than half of America feels the same way.
@DanMentos: LIFE HACK: If you want to remember something write it upside down on the back of your underwear waistband. You’ll see it when you’re pooping
@FeralCrone: I'm wearing black with navy blue today. Fight me. Any bruising will only serve to tie it all together.