@LoveNLunchmeat: When I was 8 yrs old, I walked to school by myself; now you have to hold your kid's hand right up to their first drug deal.
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@armyantstudios: My doctor told me to get a lot of rest and fluids so I've been on a drunk rage in my bedroom since 1988.
@HungoverLawyer: Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don't want to touch it any more than you do.
@OldUncleDaveO: If you are having anxiety over something you've said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.