@LoveNLunchmeat: When I was 8 yrs old, I walked to school by myself; now you have to hold your kid's hand right up to their first drug deal.
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@mrtruthandsoul: If you see a porcupine in your yard, that's my cat and we're not done with our accupuncture session.
@KKAlThani: I hate when I decide to sleep and my brain goes like "Come back here! Remember that thing you did, why?" & we stay up talking about it.
@DaddyJew: Me on the toilet: HEY I NEED SOME TOILET PAPER 6: *running around dressed like a mummy* we're all out