@Jacob_Swift16: When I was a child someone shot me with a flare gun and I've been absolutely fabulous ever since
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@WillMckenzieNot: At a restaurant: "Would you like a table?" "No, not at all. I came here to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."
@david8hughes: [soldier dying in my arms] Soldier: tell my wife- Me: dude I'm already giving messages for 3 guys. Just wait until she dies & tell yourself
@armyVet1972: Just saw a boneless KFC commercial followed by an ad for apple flavored beer. Anyone remember when adults didn't act like five year olds?
@Michael1979: Very important new poster I stuck up in town today. This is my first step towards becoming a great businessman