@theevilwriter: When I was a kid my family was so poor my parents were forced to give my imaginary friend up for adoption.
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@yungfedora: *hits bong* *abuses bong* *bong calls bong protection agency* *bong custody taken* *bong put in foster home* *bong misses old life*
@breatheandlove: My mind has been wandering so long, we're pretty much in a long-distance relationship.
@NotThatNixon: Praying that Donald Trump is really just Ashton Kutcher performing his most elaborate prank yet.