@theevilwriter: When I was a kid my family was so poor my parents were forced to give my imaginary friend up for adoption.
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@nowarranty: If I say, "Don't worry, I'm on it," there's a 98% chance I'm referring to my couch.
@hazelmotes1: Me: Could a drunk person do this!? *assembles Ikea bookcase* Her: that's supposed to be a couch.