@JhonRules: when i was a kid my father caught me wearing a ponytail so he sat me down and made me eat an entire steven seagal movie
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@Book_Krazy: Me: [walks up to boss] *SLAP* Boss: WTH?! Me: It's Natl Bully Month Boss: No, it's Natl Bully PREVENTION Month! Me: well this is awkward
@ComedicBust: [Blind Date] Octopus: [confused] Your profile said you were 40 ounces.. Catfish: C'mon baby, we're already here, let's just have a drink..
@LaceyNycole: Girl: I can't wait to have kids! I babysit so I pretty much know what it's like to be a parent. It'll be easy. Me: *laughs for 20 minutes*
@aveuaskew: Unreliable eye witness testimony is the reason chameleons are nature's most elusive and successful serial killers.