@Dustinkcouch: When I was in 6th grade, I asked a girl out with a note and she wrote back "Maybe :)" so idk man I might have plans tonight.
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@theshantilly: "Ma'am, are you aware that you were going 92 in a 55? I'm gonna need you to step out of the car." "Um, I have a boyfriend."
@just1fool: Sleeping with me is a lot like sleeping with a stuffed animal. But that's only after I've eaten Mexican food.
@stephenjmolloy: Boss: "Do you know why I've called you into my office?" Into My Office: "Because that's my name?" Boss: "Yes, that's right."