@GaryJanetti: When I was in my twenties we didn't have hipsters we had AIDS, which was almost as bad.
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@OBiiieeee: one time my dad walked in on me smoking an E cig and made me eat a whole pack of batteries
@TheEighthKnight: Me: I have a huge crush on this girl. Him: What’s her name? Me: I’m not telling you. Him: What does it start with at least? Me: @
@jazmasta: [first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] "Dr that's the model skeleton"