@MadGamer79: When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
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@jonnysun: LAWYER: [whispers] i did the murder [loudly] read that back? STENOGRAPHER: "I Did The Murder." JUDGE: omg the stenographer just confessed
@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: *shoots me with gun* *stuffs gun in my pocket* *runs away* Me: *Realizes he just made it look like a suicide* *keeping an eye on him*