@PeachCoffin: When I was little and asked Mom how to spell a word she'd hand me a dictionary so when she asked how to do emojis I handed her a 13-year-old
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@emptyheadtwo: He raised an eyebrow, put his hand down and with one eye on the table, looked expressionless. Never play poker against Mr Potato Head.
@QwertyJones3: I just battle rapped my 4 year-old and rhymed "take a nap" with "piece of crap" so don't tell me about your parenting skills.
@theshantilly: Why put it in my calendar when I can just wait until someone texts me "Where the hell are you?"
@ElgatoEsmio: "Babe I'm ready for bed" "Why so early its the weekend?" [background] "Next up Channel 6 News reveals Ashley Madison's local business men"