@TedBundybitch: When I was younger I wanted to rule the world. Now I just want to spell words close enough that autocorrect can figure out what I'm saying
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@SarahB_D: If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
@BuckyIsotope: OLD MAN: I fought in WWII ME: Oh yeah? What was your kill:death ratio OLD MAN: what ME: Can you rocket jump? OLD MAN: I wish Hitler had won
@PhilJamesson: Doctor: The tests came back. They don't look good. The tests: ok wow this is the kind of attitude that made us leave in the first place
@djdarrellripley: Him: I'll pay for dinner. Me: I want to pay. Him: I'll feel better if you let me pay. Me: Well, if your health is involved, go ahead...