@TedBundybitch: When I was younger I wanted to rule the world. Now I just want to spell words close enough that autocorrect can figure out what I'm saying
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@jwoodham: Every spider has the same powers as Spiderman, yet none of them choose to be superheroes. This is everything you need to know about spiders.
@shatterpants: I hate when I wake up at night, look at the clock and go right back to sleep. Essentially my body is just waking me up to do math.
@AnOrangeSNES: [Commercial for narrators] Narrator: Don't you wish someone would tell you important information in a soothing voice? NARRATORS