@TedBundybitch: When I was younger I wanted to rule the world. Now I just want to spell words close enough that autocorrect can figure out what I'm saying
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@AdamOfEarth: January 29, 1802, 2 AM: I hope this letter finds you well. Are you up? March 2: I am, good sir April 6: Would you kindly come over? May 9: K
@sarcasm_inc: Good cop: where were you last Wednesday? Cotton Eye Joe cop: where did you come from, where did you go
@daemonic3: My wife hates it when I say "You are just like your mother!" Actually, she hates it when I say *anything* during sex.
@WheelTod: Major milestone today -- found my first grey pubic hair! But once I picked it out, the burger tasted pretty decent.