@BackrowSeats: When I watch The Walking Dead I can't help but think those zombies are in way better shape than me.
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@shariv67: If movies have taught me anything, it's that the insurance for fruit vendor carts must be astronomical.
@Douchekevin: The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she's just found my twitter account
@KalvinMacleod: GENIE: u have 5 wishes ME: don't u mean 3 wishes? GENIE: usually but it seems like u have a lot of problems