@mindykaling: When I wear those trendy sports bras with a million straps I get stuck in them like a seagull in a six pack ring
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@ohthatbadger: X: I hate when the cat just stands like that, frozen. Why does he do that? Me: He's on paws. X: … Me: 😁 On… paws. X: I hate you so much.
@JonnyGoodTimes: My girlfriend HATES it when I sneak up on her. According to her lawyer she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend ( ._.)
@MAngelo505: My doctor says I should lose 10 lbs and work out more. But why? Spanx launched a men's line.