@mindykaling: When I wear those trendy sports bras with a million straps I get stuck in them like a seagull in a six pack ring
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@Just_Lee_: A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
@RobDenBleyker: "Poor" is an odd word because when you put it in front of "people" it's sad but when you put it in front of "bladder control" it's hilarious
@ermahgarton: a big congratulations to all the big baseball men for not closing their eyes when the ball was coming towards them, good job men