@mindykaling: When I wear those trendy sports bras with a million straps I get stuck in them like a seagull in a six pack ring
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@aka_fatman: Papa Bear: I wish he'd Mackle more. Mama Bear: I wish he'd Mackle less. Baby Bear: I tore the throat out of a girl who stole our porridge.
@OhhScarlet23: My husband and I have been in an open marriage for five years. I hope he's ok with it when he finds out.
@ProdigyNelson: Lawyer: do you watch people use the bathroom? Defendant: no Lawyer: spell "ICUP" Defendant: I-C-U-P Judge: *softly* omg Jury: *whispering*