@mrsmith196645: When I win the lottery I'm getting a pool boy, maybe I'll even get a pool.
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@MrFornicator: Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
@Mr_Kapowski: Lawyer: Zack’s will has allocated money for two headstones *my wife dabs the corners of her eyes with a tissue* Lawyer: The first one shall just read HEADSTONE. The second will be placed 6 feet away and read FEETSTONE
@ItsAndyRyan: Me: How long have we had that pillow? Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days