@Cool_Jesse: When I wrote "Spiritual" on my online-dating profile, I meant I like to watch 'Ghostbusters'.
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@patrickmarkryan: If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
@Sassafrantz: boss: I've been reviewing the security footage from last night and... me: OH SHIT! boss: OH SHIT IS RIGHT! YOUR DANCE MOVES ARE ON POINT!
@Dutch_50: I know it's illegal to launder money, so I've decided to stop doing laundry entirely. Just to be on the safe side.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I miss being a kid and playing cowboys and Indians. Now whenever I chase people around with a tomahawk I get arrested.