@Cool_Jesse: When I wrote "Spiritual" on my online-dating profile, I meant I like to watch 'Ghostbusters'.
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@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] No, his eyes were closer together than that, like a concussed mouse. He had a Spanish skeleton.
@SocialBitterfly: *one day before marriage* Parents: Don't talk to the groom. Don't see him. Don't think. *one day after marriage* Parents: BABIES, BABIESS!
@mydmac: I like to cook for a man when I first start dating him. That way he'll be disappointed from the start. Not just when he sees me naked.
@ThaJawn: *puts a gun against a magician's back Me and you are going to get all the quarters, from behind all the ears