@ShoutingGoddess: When idiots talk to me, I just imagine they're saying, 'I'm an idiot,' over and over. Makes it easier to nod in agreement and not get cross.
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@fleshcake: If a puppy stabbed me in the face and stole my car, I'd still be like, "aww."
@jessokfine: My husband got some virtual reality goggles for christmas and so far I like them because they make him very vulnerable to attack.
@jonnysun: she left me for good. what am i suposed to do now? "...there ar plenty of fish in the sea" OK DUDE FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GONA DATE A FISH
@LurkAtHomeMom: My 6yo: *begs to go to a Mexican restaurant* Also my 6yo: *orders a hot dog*
@MUMSIEesq: *runs into coworker at store* *pretends I don't speak English*
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