@TySmithdrums: When I'm at a bar with my cousin she doesn't think it's funny when I yell 'BUT HE'S YOUR GYNECOLOGIST!' every time the music dies down.
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@nagunnatelya: Husband: Have you lost weight? Me: About 10 lbs H: Who you trying to look good for? *wink M: You don't know him. He's on Twitter...
@iwearaonesie: me wife me wife me: I didn't know it was for you wife [covered in soda because I shook the can up when my kid asked for one]
@Nursey2Be: Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good and we will slowly kill you.
@Bripping_Talls: Studies say people with high IQ are lazy. Of course I didn't read the entire article.