@KKAlThani: When I'm at a friend's house & there are snacks, all I'm thinking is "How do I eat everything without looking like a homeless person?"
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@AnOrangeSNES: [Commercial for narrators] Narrator: Don't you wish someone would tell you important information in a soothing voice? NARRATORS
@KenJennings: If my kid vanished on a plane like in that Jodie Foster movie I'd spend maybe 2-3 hrs enjoying the legroom & quiet before I started looking.
@WeissBrandon: When I ask my wife if she wants help, she changes the subject and asks if a bear shits in the woods, like I'm some sort of bear scientist.
@Izianikapani: Australia is touted as a great model of gun control but no one mentions our unlimited access to boomerangs.