@KKAlThani: When I'm at a friend's house & there are snacks, all I'm thinking is "How do I eat everything without looking like a homeless person?"
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@Rollinintheseat: I wonder why nobody told Forrest Gump's mom that all you have to do is flip over the box of chocolates and it tells you what's inside.
@jwoodham: DRAKE: I'll drop the best album of 2016. BEYONCÉ: Nah. DRAKE: The best album of... April? BEYONCÉ: Nah. DRAKE: Please don't do this to me.
@NiceLittleWife: When I go to Victoria's Secret, I just throw things on the floor to see how they'll really look.
@zachreinert03: Saw a friend really drunk last night so I took his car keys from him. Felt good, he was so drunk I doubt he remembers who stole his car