@Parker_Simpson: When I'm backing out of a parking spot I like to just close my eyes and gun it because anythings possible through Jesus Christ
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@JustinGuarini: The best part about Facebook is never having to wonder what your acquaintance's baby is doing all day everyday day.
@cervixsmash: Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank
@abhorrent_wife: Thanks to Target's full length 3 way mirrors, I'm now painfully aware I look like a melting candle from the back.