@Parker_Simpson: When I'm backing out of a parking spot I like to just close my eyes and gun it because anythings possible through Jesus Christ
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@trish07tx: How to piss me off: rearrange the grocery store. How to send me into a psychotic rage: rearrange the liquor store.
@LookAwayMomDad: I paid $200,000 for an English degree and my coworker just asked me to proofread her Facebook status.
@Cain_Unable: I used to think Pet Insurance was a waste of money but my cat is at the vets & they've sent us a really lovely little courtesy cat.
@wastefulthinker: Me: "Hey Siri, I nee-..." Siri: "Nice try, humanoid. The women warned me. I have a boyfriend."