@Parker_Simpson: When I'm backing out of a parking spot I like to just close my eyes and gun it because anythings possible through Jesus Christ
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@OfficialMizGin: I’m not afraid of spiders. I’m afraid of people who are afraid of spiders. Please stop screaming and put down the hammer.
@junejuly12: If my boss knew I rated him "needs improvement" in last night's sex dream, he probably wouldn't have been so nice to me today.
@KenJennings: The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.