@evidentlyblonde: When I'm bored nobody texts me but as soon as I get busy as hell... BAM... still nobody texts me.
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@Tommytoughstuff: ME: This electric toothbrush knocked a few of my teeth loose. DENTIST: That's an egg beater.
@SwartyComedy: If Shakespeare were alive today, he'd write a tragedy about the fate of the single French fry that comes with every order of onion rings.