@kelkulus: When I'm bored on a plane, I pull a random machine part out of my pocket and ask the person next to me "Do you know where this came from?"
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@jazmasta: By the way it was me who set those sheep free to roam around the courtroom during your divorce hearing. In case ewe were wandering.
@JesKeepSwimming: Him: "I feel-" Me: "I FEEL IT TOO. IT'S JUST LIKE PHOEBE SAID. YOU'RE MY LOBSTER." Him: "-gassy."
@TwoSapphiresBlu: During pelvic exam: Dr.: Your cervix is very high. Me: OMG, weed affects your cervix too?!
@BangMyBongo: Some say Obama is the biggest liar of all time.. I say, the person who chose the spelling of, "Colonel" is the biggest liar of all time