@AnnDabromowitz: When I'm CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."
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@orange_rhymer: [robbing bank] leader: go in & grab everything you can *i go in to grab loot* Me: (yanking pen chain, increasingly panicked) no no No NO NO-
@Lisabug74: My mom sometimes texts me pictures of Buddha with an inspirational text like: "Be kind to others, Evil Lisa"