@sween: When I'm dead, I'm going to haunt offices and say, "OooOoo... why are you using your mouse?... hit Control-C... you're taking forever..."
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@danorslim: Me: You wanna have sex tonight? GF: I'm not in the mood babe. Me: Hold on a second. I'm on the phone.
@stereoskyline: Procrastination has taught me how to do 30 minutes of work in 8 hours and 8 hours of work in 30 minutes.
@trojansauce: KID: are you sure this will work? ME: *holding a fishing rod with a peppermint attached* do you want a new grandpa or not?
@KeetPotato: accountant: "youre basically broke" wife: "he keeps spending money on stupid stuff" me: "lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid"