@ilovepie84: "When I'm done shitting on your car I'm going to watch your wife undress through her window"-Birds
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@on_the_fritz_17: If you're going to suffocate someone with a pillow, have the goddamn decency to use the cool side.
@daviddeweil: If The Bachelor was realistic they'd ask each other where they want to go out to eat and then never make a decision.
@behindyourback: The worst is that a 27 y/o who wanted to marry Charles Manson & charge ppl to see his corpse had more of a future financial plan than we do.
@dragonsorbet: [Confession] "I killed a man" "Wait what" "Lol had to get that off my chest, now why did you come in today, my son?"