@RandomAntics: When I'm empty-handed my dog doesn't know what the word 'sit' means, but if I have a treat she can perform neurosurgery.
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@imshitimsorry: lady at table behind me: sometimes babies get gassy. they can't burp so they get mad and cry me, turning around angrily: its not JUST babies
@TheAlexNevil: *me, at high school prom Me: So, you wanna dance? Her: Definitely! M: Can you tell me why?
@Freudianscript: When speaking to your wife, always end with, "but i could be wrong," this way when she says you're wrong, you'll be right for a change.