@BlACk__ThRoaT: When I'm home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
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@str8upjuggahos: Hmm I don't really wanna commit 2 hours to watching a movie *watches 12 straight hours of a tv show on Netflix*
@TheMichaelRock: *sees Salvation Army bell ringer* "Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!" "Sir, we don't accept children." *runs away*
@stephpaulus: Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor's house is genius.