@TheRolo: When I'm in a bathroom stall, please don't yell "Oh my God oh my God there's a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
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@neledmax: My kid asked me what my childhood was like so I took the batteries out of the remote and had him change channels by hand the rest of night.
@Midgetspar: I'll grow my beard out just so I can knock on a strangers door & whisper, "I'm here to pick your kid up for prom. Either one. I don't care."
@possibilyss: In hindsight, i shouldn't have said 'surprise me' when the judge was about to sentence me