@SteveInevitable: When I'm looking for a parking spot I turn the radio down because clearly I can see better when it's quieter...
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@mrbenwexler: Q: Name your favorite foreign leader. GARY JOHNSON: Nice trick question, Chris- they all already HAVE names!
@iAmDelFreaky: They should fill the airbags with confetti to make car accidents more fun. *crashes vehicle* "OMG, my legs! Hey, a party!" *dies smiling*
@RamblingMachine: In a public restroom I found a sign that read "THINK" on the mirror above the sink so I labelled the soap dispenser "THOAP" to match with it
@Token_Geezer: The reason the Japanese kill so many whales is because they remind them of Americans