@sara_ashlynn: When I'm mad at my kid, I don't put the straw from the juice box in their school lunch.
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@LorieGZ: Found $12 bucks today! Well, it was in my daughters purse, but I figure she owes me at least $50,000 by now.
@NOTVIKING: her: i’m leaving you me: is it because i only listen to blink-182? her: no it’s because you spent all our money opening a bar that only plays blink-182 and you gave it a stupid name me: [under breath] what’s stupid about drink-182
@foodfacenow: Me: I can't seem to lose weight CW: Have you tried cutting back on your sugar intake Me:*stirring coffee with snickers bar* What do you mean
@Sickayduh: The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. "Too pudgy to be a terminator" says one woman.