@mommy_cusses: When I'm old, I'm gonna giggle uncontrollably, squirm, and go all sack of potatoes on my son when he tries to get me in the car as payback.
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@JD_KC: The goldfish just gave me the "just flush me" look. No way pal. If I have to stay so do you.
@therealeatwood: Instead of complaining that it’s hard to remove glitter, accept it. Embrace it. You are a shiny person now.
@Parkerlawyer: Waiting on this storm is like waiting on your mom to get home when you're in trouble. You know she's pissed, you just don't know HOW pissed
@withanewname: *installs google translate* *looks at Arabic tweets for jokes to steal* *finds half my tweets doing better than mine*