@mommy_cusses: When I'm old, I'm gonna giggle uncontrollably, squirm, and go all sack of potatoes on my son when he tries to get me in the car as payback.
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@PaperWash: Before I go out binge drinking I always eat a stick of butter. It doesn't do anything I just make really poor life choices.
@P_o_n_k: BURGLAR: Look at all these pizza boxes. He must eat it every day. ME (hiding in closet): Yeah, or maybe he threw a cool party with friends.
@SteveSuckington: Is it still illegal to run someone over with your car if they're wearing camouflage?