@mommy_cusses: When I'm old, I'm gonna giggle uncontrollably, squirm, and go all sack of potatoes on my son when he tries to get me in the car as payback.
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@Staggfilms: Used to be free to fill my tires up at the gas station, but now it’s ¢75. Guess that’s the cost of inflation.
@mrjohndarby: wife: i'm leaving you me: is it because i speak so quietly? wife: well you could at least say something
@SortaBad: If you don't want to be there today, just say "I'm just here for the food and hopefully some good commercials. Also congrats on the wedding"
@thejessbess: Ride your bike to the bar, they said. You'll never forget how to ride a bike, they said.