@MartaEffing: When I'm with you, I'm breathless. My pulse quickens and I can feel my entire body getting hot. Also, you're a treadmill and I'm asthmatic.
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@ThePocketJustin: Police:Is there anything you can tell us about your attacker. Me:He was much better at fighting than me. Police:Ok is there anything else?
@Reverend_Scott: How's school, Hannah? "Really tough, dad." They're calling you Hannah Banana, aren't they? "No-" WHY THE HELL NOT
@Scott_A_Gilmore: What manner of evil contract with the devil must I enter into so I can get eye drops INTO my eyes?
@Gwinifer: Life with me is like a box of chocolates. You never know when you're going to get the crazy one filled with arsenic.