@MartaEffing: When I'm with you, I'm breathless. My pulse quickens and I can feel my entire body getting hot. Also, you're a treadmill and I'm asthmatic.
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@okimstillhungry: Gets 5 hours of sleep: Wow I'm tired Gets 8 hours of sleep: Wow I'm tired and I'm late for work
@david8hughes: Therapist: what was it like growing up? Me: I just [reaches for tissues] kept getting taller.
@ericonederful: Fellas, If you kill a spider while you're at her place, congratulations. You will be having sex. P.S. Bring a spider.