@thepatrickwalsh: When improv teams ask for suggestions, I like to yell "Learn a trade before your father cuts you off financially!"
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@KissabiX: I visited you every day in hospital when you were in a coma. They gave me free wifi & coffee, It was the best 2 months of our married life
@HeyZeus666: If a baby like Justin Bieber is the face of teen angst and rebellion, then we've bubble wrapped our kids too tight.
@DannyZuker: "WAIT!" I screamed at my daughter as she typed Y-O-U on my computer but miraculously the autocomplete added "TUBE" so yeah, God exists.
@LnL245: M: Um, you just spelled "qwerty" as "querty". H: So? M: Look at the keyboard. H: And? M: [Breaking fourth wall look to camera]