@thepatrickwalsh: When improv teams ask for suggestions, I like to yell "Learn a trade before your father cuts you off financially!"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Cherbearxo: I promised my trainer that I'd set a gym schedule I would commit to regularly. So, now every time there's a lunar eclipse I work out.
@daemonic3: [shark tank] "Hi, what's your product idea?" Product? [holding bucket of live fish] I'm here to see the tank of sh-... I've made a mistake
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I bet at least ONE of Leonardo DiCaprio's friends has called him Leotard. Probably Mark Wahlberg...
@OldSpookMan: A homeless guy asked me "would you give me $5 for a sandwich?" I said "I don't know man, show me the sandwich first."