@jwoodham: When in doubt, ask yourself WWBD: What Would Beyoncé Do? Would she apply for a job? Nope. She'd just show up one day like "I work here now."
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@seancoleran: Girlfriend: Why is this broom broken? Did you draw a lightning bolt on the cat? Are you writing with a feather? Me: Muggles....
@CallMeMrBigs: I'm not looking for the woman who reads 50 Shades of Grey. I'm looking for the one that finds it boring.
@david8hughes: Me: can I have a few extra days off over Christmas Boss: it's May Me: sorry, may I have a few extra days off over Christmas