@desijourno: When in doubt, ignore an unknown number on your mobile, never hit Reply All, and always wear clothes when you step out of your house.
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@HelloJessicaFox: If you encounter a bear DON'T RUN. Maintain eye contact. Keep maintaining it. Fall in love. Marry the bear. Tell story to your grandbearbies
@Brampersandon_: WIFE (noticing lipstick on my collar): have you been kissing another woman? ME: uhh MY DOG (with bright pink lips): go on, tell her