@stizod: When it comes to telling a joke, opportunity Knock Knocks. #jokes
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@KeetPotato: me: "what is a librarian's favourite food?" dog: me: "SHUSHI lmao" dog: [starts putting his toys in suitcase]
@DanMentos: My Shakespeare brings all the boys to the yard And they're like We're gonna kick your ass fancy boy
@kumailn: "Count down to zero silently with your fingers and then do a fist pump." - SWAT manual on breaking down doors
@nayele18: Can't afford those fancy water parks, so I just throw cups of water in my kids faces when they least expect it.