@stizod: When it comes to telling a joke, opportunity Knock Knocks. #jokes
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@daemonic3: *Buys map of world, pins up on wall* *Swears to visit wherever it lands* *Aims dart* Map: I have a boyfriend
@Mikecanrant: When the UPS guy hands you that pad where you digitally sign your name, you can put anything. Today I put "lame shorts" and nothing happened
@ahoytheboat: my criminal record is only clean because of how fast i can run with my pants around my ankles.
@bossy_bootz: Red light : Stop Yellow light : Proceed w/ caution Green light : Wait till everyone hates you then go