@WilliamAder: When it's "buy one, get one free," I have them put the free one in a separate bag so I don't get them mixed up.
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@Xalqee: When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
@yayraptor: [at a bar] me: hey girl are u a wanted criminal girl: no me: oh ok [to a group of cops] shes not here, search the other building
@Mikecanrant: Legally, if a woman is wearing hoop earrings that are as big as the side of her face, you are allowed to hurl a basketball at her head.
@Papa_Mex: The sonogram of your baby looks awesome!* So clear!** And he looks happy!*** *Creepy **Is it a human? ***I think you're having a racoon