@huntigula: when Jason swung that sleeping bag with a girl in it against a tree in Friday the 13th, I bet for a brief moment the girl was like "wheeee!"
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@dafloydsta: BOSS: We need to look in the mirror and see where we can improve. ME: *to Gary, who I suspect is a vampire* Go ahead, Gary. You first.
@trojansauce: NIETZSCHE: god is dead! he remains dead! and we have killed him! ME AS NIETZSCHE'S LAWYER: your honour we're gonna need a recess
@bornmiserable: Guys who say there's a party in their pants are probably referring to search parties.
@DanMentos: LIFE HACK: Tired of the neighbors' noisy kids playing in front of your house? Sign up for the sex offender registry