@SortaBadass: When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say "the baby is crowning!" and they'll laugh and laugh
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@FatherWithTwins: *co-worker approaching elevator* *I try to hit "close door" button* *I miss, hit "open door"* Co-worker: thanks for holding it Me: Of course
@vvvolte: does anyone know what to do if you carve a pumpkin that is too scary. i cant go in my kitchen
@Schmoodles: I'm doing 'Angry Yoga' tonight. It's just lying on a mat and drinking a bottle of wine as I shout at my thighs.
@moxieblogger: Dear God, Laying an egg once a month would have been preferable. Thanks for nothing. ~ All women