@SortaBadass: When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say "the baby is crowning!" and they'll laugh and laugh
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@rickolantern: They grow up so fast. My nephew lost his first tooth Saturday night In a fight a with a bouncer
@jimmy_sharpe: I just know my cause of death will be trying to scoot my office chair around as fast as possible.
@LizHackett: Some guy tried to cut me off in traffic and I screamed, "I'm wearing a sports bra to a business meeting, I am afraid of nothing!"
@HomeProbably: Material possessions mean nothing to me. *breaks phone* I don't think I can make it through this week.