@SortaBadass: When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say "the baby is crowning!" and they'll laugh and laugh
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@histwaddle: Two cans of Red Bull may give you x-ray vision, but five cans give you the ability to hear oxygen.
@Brentweets: I hired a person to randomly show up throughout the day and put baskets of bread on my desk.
@Kid_topher: "Ride or die" seems a bit dramatic. I'm looking for a "ride or maybe go our separate ways if things aren't working out."
@lovemydogduck: The only times I go for a jog is when there's a cute guy in front of me or a creepy guy behind me.