@thedailymarker: When life gives me lemons, I make lemon meringue pie..because lemonade is for amateurs...& because I'm gay..& we always take it up a notch.
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@romiza_: *Witnesses an awkward moment* starts a slow clap* sees that nobody is joining me* pretends like I'm trying to kill mosquitoes*
@behindyourback: 11:30pm is the time each night when I ask myself the ancient question of the universe: what if I just ate everything
@XplodingUnicorn: I made my 4-year-old sit at the table till she finished her lunch It took her 3 hours She was so excited to be done Then I served dinner.