@ObscureGent: When life gives you chlamydia, make lemon chlamydia?
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@tarrynklaudia_x: If there's enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts, it probably isn't.
@novicefather: [grocery store with 2yo] Cashier: your son is so cute. What do you want to have next? Me: a vasectomy
@Jeff_G_Nixon: 3yr old: [whispering] I have a secret "What it is, sweetie?" 3: [shouting] I POOPED! "Do you know what a secret is?" 3: [whispering] no.
@MummaCrazy: 10 just informed me that exercising releases inner-dolphins. If that's not a reason to exercise, then I don't know what is.