@hippieswordfish: when life gives you lemons, use their natural acidity to temporarily blind your opponent
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@caseytduncan: The mood took a dark turn when I intercepted the wedding bouquet and ran it back for a touchdown.
@patsajak: Told my dog I was feeding him only natural, holistic food. Not sure he could hear me over slurping of water from toilet.
@iamspacegirl: her: tell me about yourself me: ok so u know when a dog runs too fast on tile and crashes into a wall but then looks at u like its ur fault
@JediGigi: [beside lady with baby] Her: Smells like someone went poop poop! Does the baby need a change? Me: *blushing* Yes ma'am.