@AnOrangeSNES: When life gives you lemons, worship the elder Gods. Take candy from a baby. Drink from a trough of blood. Who cares? None of this matters
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@RealDMK: "Daddy, I want to watch Dora." Sweetie this is Dora. It's the one where she plays an NBA basketball game against the Brooklyn Nets
@Carbosly: Want to get rid of your husband without killing him? Just send him to the grocery store & ask for pine nuts. Mine has been gone 6 years.
@pplwtching: Sober me: It would be convenient to have a urinal in my house. Drunk me: A urinal! *pees in sink*
@charstarlene: Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don't wanna have to explain why I'm in your 'Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.