@themorris23: When life handed Chuck Norris lemons, he made chocolate pudding.
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@Twtercide: If you want the truth, ask a child. If you want some bullshit, ask an adult. If you want to end up in jail, ask your friends on Twitter.
@Reverend_Scott: DOG 911: What's your emer- DOG: THERE'S WRAPPING PAPER EVERYWHERE DOG 911: for you to tear up and eat? DOG: NO THEY'RE THROWING IT ALL AWAY DOG 911: OMG DOG: OMG
@Rachelnoise: Him: Whatcha thinkin about? Me: How ferrets are like if a cat and a scarf had a baby.