@flashember: When life hands you donkeys, move to a mountainous region.
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@PetrickSara: Me: Who drew the picture? 8: I can't remember her name. Me: You memorize 200 Pokémon but you don't remember the kids names in class? 8: 213
@kylekinane: I ate a tomato slice off the carpet. And some lettuce. And some bleu cheese bits. And mushrooms. I'm saying I dropped my salad on the floor.
@AnOrangeSNES: "I just called to say I love you." -Stevie Wonder not understanding how prank calls work
@KeetPotato: [sex-ed lesson] now, unroll the condom down over the bana- what is it keith? "i ate my banana"