@edgarrants: When life hands you lemons, help me throw them at the kids on my lawn.
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@drugleaf: the only proof i have that there is a god is that one time i saw a dude in a "Bazinga" shirt get into a car and drive directly into a tree
@FreddyAmazin: 3 horrible things in life: 1) Seeing your mom cry. 2) Seeing the love of your life fall in love with somebody else. 3) Slow Internet.
@KimmyMonte: I just saw Beauty and the Beast and now all I want to do is live with a water buffalo and talk to my furniture
@Brianhopecomedy: Did a somersault for the first time in years. I know that's not a good tweet but I'm getting bored lying here waiting for the paramedics.