@CroweJam: When life hands you women, make women laid.
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@_NinJar: [museum] Wheres the dinosaur bone exhibit? "through that door" Thank you very ruff! "What'd you say?" *2 dogs fall out of trench coat & run*
@thesulk: Girls are never wrong. Until they are. Then they cry and are, somehow, not wrong again.
@johnfreiler: my friend's apartment building burned down so he's at his parents' and he still won't hang out with me. HOW MANY MORE FIRES DO I NEED TO SET
@AthenaMystique: 20 year old me: *imagines awesome career, travelling the world, being in love* 32 year old me: *tweets*