@CroweJam: When life hands you women, make women laid.
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@lisaxy424: [in bed] Me: got a costume from the Princess Leia slave scene Him: omg yes Me: *disappears to change* *comes back dressed as Jabba the Hutt*
@FattMernandez: I'm posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they're making ceramic bowls.
@leyawn: someone brought a box of lemons to work and emailed out saying "there's lemons" and now every one has a lemon on their desk. why
@KrangTNelson: JERRY SEINFELD: so what's the *deal* with airplane food ME (whispering to my date): it's actually called "jetfuel"