@Sickayduh: When life tosses me a football, I'm the ref who's not looking and everyone laughs when I get booped in the face
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@rachelmillman: if you ever want to witness an Oscar worthy performance, ask any person from twitter their follower count and watch them pretend to not know
@withanewname: Wife: "you think all that sugar you fed the kids this morning was a wise idea?" Me: "why?" W: M: W: "they're running along side the car"