@Sickayduh: When life tosses me a football, I'm the ref who's not looking and everyone laughs when I get booped in the face
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@davidgrossTV: ME: I'll have the burger. WAITER: And how do you like your burger? ME: I don't know. You haven't brought it to me yet.
@bridger_w: If you have to wait a while to get a fast food order, say, "I thought this was FAST food." The place will never recover from that mega burn
@themiltron: interviewer: why do you want this job me: i've just always been very passionate about not starving to death
@RamblingMachine: In a public restroom I found a sign that read "THINK" on the mirror above the sink so I labelled the soap dispenser "THOAP" to match with it