@KarenLyneButler: When mad at the hubby, I just tweet about it. I don't sleep with a waitress that looks just like him. I'm talking to you David Arquette.
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@ClassicMegan: Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
@causticbob: Someone broke into my house last night and left a note saying they'd broken one of my keyboard keys. I onder hich one.
@delusionaliam: Turns out, pounding a wooden stake through a vampire's heart works even if a guy is not a vampire.
@13spencer: Katy Perry says that god spoke to her before the Super Bowl and said “you got this,” so it’s safe to say that god has crappy taste in music.